The Apprentice: pastoral version

A note to the reader: Sometimes I just want to have fun with my writing. The following has no lesson to teach and no message to preach. Just enjoy and maybe even smile… Thanks,

Voice-over announcer: “Last season, on the Apprentice”

DT: “Martha, tell me why I shouldn’t fire you. After all, your team was to host a dinner party and you spent all your time in the kitchen. Weren’t you supposed to be the hostess?”

Martha of Bethany: “In my own defense, I had to spend all my time in the kitchen cooking and cleaning because my teammate (catch the angry look to her left) didn’t do what she was supposed to. I’m in there slaving away at this meal because I wanted it to be perfect. What’s she doing? (points to Mary of Bethany). She’s in the other room…turning on the charm…schmoozing with the guests…not doing what she was assigned to do.”

DT: “Mary, it sounds like you shirked your responsibilities. Did you?”

Mary of Bethany: “Mr. T, I saw my sister ignoring our honored guests. She was too busy with the vichyssoise to notice them. I saved her bacon! She just wants me out of the competition.”

Cue the Announcer’s voice: “You loved the Apprentice with  its scheming and backstabbing, the fights and the name-calling, all leading to those coveted words,”

(cue D.T.):“You’re hired!”

“Join us as we begin a new season with all new candidates. There will be the same old tricks but a different twist as pastors seek to become the new pastor of your church.”

Pastor A: “Hey, we ordered a camel for the Christmas pageant, not a poodle!” (Off to the side Pastor B smiles while pumping the air with her fist)

“There will be the name-calling.”
Pastor C:“You’re nothing more than a itinerant presbaptodist in a chasuble.”

“There will be tears”
Pastor D: “I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to get my Ph.D and teach at a seminary.”

“and there will be the words each candidate wants to hear,

cue PNC Chairperson: “You’re called!”

Announcer’s voice: “The Apprentice: pastor search begins in 10 days”… (cue the music)

Wouldn’t our church be a much more exciting place, if only…


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